


Leap of Faith

by Bil



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Loyalty, Protective Team, Season/Series 03, alternative episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bil/pseuds/Bil
Summary: AUShades of Grey. What if Daniel hadn’t been the one to draw the short straw? Jack’s teammates have faith in him even if he doesn’t seem to deserve it.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter & Daniel Jackson & Jack O'Neill & Teal'c, Samantha "Sam" Carter & Jack O'Neill
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Season: Three.  
> Spoilers: Shades of Grey, One Hundred Days, references to the movie, Cold Lazarus, Bloodlines, Within the Serpent's Grasp, The Tok’ra, Foothold, Legacy, First Commandment, In the Line of Duty.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine, naturally.
> 
> A/N: This story very much relies on you remembering the events of _Shades of Grey_.

Jack sighed and picked at the label on his beer bottle. Idly he contemplated the available moves on the chessboard in front of him, as well as the quickest way to counter each strategy, but his heart wasn’t in it and he slumped back in his chair, staring around his living room in case something interesting had turned up in the last five minutes. It hadn’t. Jack sighed again.

He was bored out of his tree, with nothing to do but sit around waiting for the bad guys to show up. He’d already stolen from the Tollan, been insubordinate to Hammond (and even though Hammond knew what was going on that hadn’t been easy because he really did respect the General), and taken the retirement option, just as planned. Now all he could do was wait. And wait. And wait.

Hiding away in his cabin wasn’t an option because that would defeat the purpose of making him easy prey for the bad guys, and he had absolutely nothing to do but hang around, bored, since his life for the last two and a half years had basically consisted of work, work, and work (and wouldn’t Daniel and Carter laugh at that after all the times he’d chased them off base!). It turned out that daytime TV was duller than a mineral survey on a desert planet – at least on a mineral survey he could needle Daniel and see how long the other man’s patience would last. God, he hoped he’d get the chance to do that again.

He scowled at the chessboard. The worst thing about the boredom was that it left him with nothing to do but hope that this whole elaborate scheme would work, hope that it was worth the cost, and try very hard not to think about his team. He’d even cleaned the house from top to bottom with a furious intensity that would have flabbergasted Sara had she been privileged to see it.

He didn’t care what happened to him, but pushing away his team – setting out to be as hurtful as possible – was just about the hardest, most distasteful thing he’d ever had to do. But he _had_ to. He had to push them as far and as hard as he possibly could because otherwise they’d never believe this stupid charade – because if he didn’t get them far away from him he’d spill everything no matter what his orders were.

Thor and Travell had no idea what they were demanding of him. Were it up to Jack, his team would have been the first to be brought in on this little rat hunt. He trusted them and believed in them: they deserved to be included. Dammit, hadn’t they _earned_ it? He’d begged for their inclusion – actually begged! – but Thor and Travell had been adamant and Hammond sided with them. The Asgard insisted that “no one but O’Neill must be involved” and Hammond said that if the rest of SG-1 were kept in the dark then their reactions to Jack’s defection would be exactly as they should be and no one would be suspicious.

No one listened to Jack’s protests. Didn’t they understand what this would do to his team? SG-1 was built on _trust_ , hard-earned and long in the making. Didn’t they care about the price they were forcing him to pay?

It didn’t matter. Jack had always done his duty and this time would be no different.

The immediate dilemma he faced was that he hadn’t seen Daniel before he left the base. He’d tried, but Daniel hadn’t been in his lab or any of the obvious places. This was a problem. Jack had already attacked Carter and was pretty sure he’d fobbed off Teal’c, but Daniel never gave up easily and that meant he would undoubtedly come here.

Since Jack had already found a couple of bugs during his cleaning frenzy and didn’t doubt that there were more, he was going to have to push pretty hard to get Daniel out without giving anything away to the invisible listeners. He could do it, no problem; he just didn’t know if Daniel would ever be able to forgive him.

The doorbell rang. Jack hoped it was the goon squad and not Daniel. It rang again impatiently and he chugged back the last of his beer and stood, grumbling “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” as it rang yet again.

The fourth time it rang, the intruder held down the button so that it didn’t stop ringing.

Jack yanked the door open. “Keep your hair—Carter?”

“Sir,” she greeted brightly, as if she hadn’t turned into an impatient doorbell fanatic.

“What the hell do you want?” Where was Daniel? He peered over her shoulder, expecting to see someone else. Daniel, Teal’c, Fraiser, anyone. She’d never come to his house by herself before.

“I brought beer,” she said, holding up a six-pack. Good beer too, not the swill he usually bought. There was a determined glint in her eyes and he capitulated. When Carter got determined there wasn’t a hope in Netu of stopping her; that was why he was here and not on Edora pretending he’d make a good farmer.

“Fine,” he groused and stood aside to let her in. She dropped her coat on the hall table and blithely tripped down into the lounge while he followed her. “Whaddaya want?” he demanded, accepting a beer.

He wished Daniel had come instead. He knew he could deal with Daniel; he understood Daniel. Didn’t often agree with him or get where he was coming from, but understood him.

Carter, on the other hand... If he’d failed to get rid of her already then he wasn’t sure what more he could do. Not only was she a woman – a species Jack would _never_ understand – but she hid behind her good-soldier routine and even when it broke, like after Jolinar, it didn’t give up any clues. Jack sometimes suspected there was a whole other person hidden behind those ‘sir’s.

She didn’t seem to notice he didn’t want her around. “I’ve been thinking, sir,” she began.

“Uh oh,” he said involuntarily and nearly winced when she smiled. Amusing her was not going to get rid of her quicker.

“I’ve been thinking,” she repeated firmly, not to be put off. “I don’t know what’s going on – and I don’t appreciate the position you put me in back there.”

“Where?” he interrupted rudely and slurped at his beer in the hope that it would annoy her as much as it annoyed Sara. She didn’t notice.

“When you forced me to choose between betraying you and lying to General Hammond.” She looked at him as if expecting a response.

Mindful of his part, Jack shrugged and drank some more beer. “You don’t owe me anything, Carter,” he said harshly, slouching further down in his chair.

“The hell I don’t!” she said with quiet vehemence, making him jump. Even off duty she didn’t usually swear.

He stood angrily. “You owe me _nothing_ , Carter. Now get out. Thanks for the beer,” he added sardonically, “but the zoo’s closing and you’ll have to come stare at the freak show some other day.”

She didn’t stand, just sat there studying him with frank curiosity. “What happened, sir? Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I’ve finally had it up to here with sanctimonious aliens and patronising allies who don’t mind asking for help but refuse to offer _us_ any.” He thought he sounded pretty darn convincing, but the only change in her expression was that it became more thoughtful, as if she was hearing different words to the ones he was saying. “We need to defend this planet and for that we need weapons and technology. If they’re not going to give us what we need then we’ll just have to take it ourselves.” The thoughtful look didn’t relent. He felt like a thorny physics problem and forced himself not to squirm. _Come on, Carter, just buy it and get out of here!_

“This isn’t like you, sir.”

“You already said that,” he bit out. “And guess what? My answer’s still the same. Go play healer to the emotionally wounded with someone else.”

For a moment her arrested expression made him think he’d finally gotten through. Unfortunately, she swiftly returned to that dreaded determined expression. Jack fumed and didn’t bother to hide it. While he appreciated the show of loyalty, couldn’t she have picked a better time? Say, when he wasn’t trying to make her leave him alone?

“Get out of my house, Carter,” he growled.

“Not until you listen to what I have to say.”

“I already know what you’re going to say.” _Just go already!_

“With respect, sir, I don’t think you do.” Dammit, where was the good little soldier who backed down at the first hint of her superior’s disapproval?

“Well, I don’t want to hear it.”

She leant forward intensely. “Hear this: I’m not giving up. I learnt that after we gave up on Daniel when he was infected by Machello’s Goa’uld killers.”

There was a pause.

“Edora,” Jack said, understanding now.

She shrugged offhandedly as if it was no big deal that she’d rewritten the laws of physics for him. “You never did thank me.”

He knew that. He’d meant to but couldn’t find the words and then Thor had come and now it was too late. She deserved so much more than just a ‘thanks’ but she wasn’t going to get even that from him. Not now. “You should have left me there.”

That had to hurt, he knew it had to hurt, but she refused to be fazed. “The Tollan would have picked you up before you’d been there a year.”

“Oh.” Well, _that_ put him on the wrong foot. He sank back into his chair. She’d done all that work and it hadn’t even been necessary? That was... bad. Because he was taking that work and throwing it back in her face.

“Look, sir, I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re my CO.”

“Retired, Carter,” he said snidely. “Remember?”

“But you’re my CO,” she repeated firmly. “I’ll follow you.”

Damn, damn, damn. “What, you’re aiming for a court-martial now?”

There was no hesitation in her. “I’m with you, sir. And I’m not the only one.”

Oh, he was _so_ banging their collective heads together if he ever got out of this. Couldn’t they take a hint? Next time Thor and Travell wanted a favour they were damn well going to have to ask someone else or bring his team in as well, because he was never _ever_ doing this again. He’d do a hell of a lot in the name of duty, but this was getting too much.

“Sure, Carter,” he mocked. “I believe you. You’ll give up your career in order to take up a life of crime. You know that’s what you all think of what I did. You think it’s a crime to defend our planet in whatever way we can. Well, I don’t. I think it’s a matter of survival and anyone who refuses to help us survive is the enemy. It’s not theft if you’re taking from the enemy.”

“The Tollan aren’t our enemy, sir.”

“No? Because they sure as hell don’t act like allies.”

“Sir, can’t you just—”

“No!” He jumped to his feet, looming over her. “I’ve said all I have to say to you, Carter. Just accept the fact that you clearly never had any idea who I really am and get the hell out of my house.”

Naturally, she refused to be intimidated. Carter didn’t do intimidated. “You’re a good man, sir.” He scoffed. “Your record—”

“My record, _Major_ , is so classified even Hammond can’t read the whole thing. You’ve known me what? Two and a half years? You don’t know the first thing about me.”

“Fine,” she said, getting to her feet. Her voice was angry but the look in her eyes suggested she was humouring him. “Fine. I don’t know you and you don’t want me here. I’m going.”

“ _Finally_. For a genius you can be pretty dumb, Carter.”

For some reason that coaxed a wry chuckle out of her. “Trust me, sir, I know. I can see myself out.”

He shepherded her to the door anyway to ensure she left, chivvying her along.

“Keep the beer,” she said as he yanked the door open. “I bought it for you anyway. When you need us, sir, just call.”

He snarled silently and slammed the door shut, belated realising she’d left her jacket behind but in no mood to instigate another conversation by chasing after her. This was the stupidest plan in the history of bad plans. Stalking back to the living room, he picked up Carter’s barely-touched beer and swigged it down. It was that or peer through the window like a lovelorn idiot at what could be the last sight he’d ever get of one of his teammates. He had too much pride for the latter and it would look too suspicious anyway. He had a job to do, after all.

 _You’re a good man, sir_ , she’d said. No, he wasn’t. If he was he wouldn’t be trying to cause as much pain as possible to his best friends.

If only she would report this conversation to Daniel and Teal’c and prevent them from visiting as well. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do this all over again – he knew he could. But he didn’t _want_ to.

The things he did for his planet. Jack hastily opened another beer.

* * *

Really, it wasn’t that big a shock to find Maybourne on the other side of his door. There was slime, then scum, then NID. Of _course_ they were the ones behind all the thefts, causing all these problems and forcing him back into a line of work he’d been glad to leave in the past.

After a subtle game of pushing Maybourne away without actually going far enough to push him away (and boy was it nice to unload some bile on someone who actually deserved it), Jack let the man in. About three feet.

Maybourne accepted this restriction but looked around nosily and spotted Carter’s coat still lurking in the hall. “I’m sorry, Colonel, do you have company?” Of course, he knew Jack didn’t and he knew exactly whose coat that was.

Damn. Jack had hoped Carter’s conversation with him would somehow slip under their radar. He’d known it wouldn’t, of course, but he’d still hoped. He didn’t want any of these rats getting their claws into _his_ teammates. Still, he’d known whoever came would try to bring up the conversation they ‘hadn’t’ overheard. One Jack O’Neill was undoubtedly a catch: A Sam Carter would be a much sweeter prize.

“No.”

“It’s nice,” Maybourne said, “but it’s not really your style.”

He so hoped Maybourne was talking about the jacket. “Carter called,” he acknowledged. “I kicked her out and she left it behind.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.” Oh how Jack wanted to wipe that smug grin off his slimy face.

“Funny, people keep saying that to me at the moment. And here I thought I was acting the way I always do.”

“Ah, yes. Your ‘retirement’.” Jack narrowed his eyes. “Oh yes, we know all about it. I have my sources.”

 _I bet you do, you damned rat_. “So I see.” As if he didn’t care, Jack abandoned the doorway and returned to his favourite chair.

Maybourne followed him, ignoring his uninviting scowl. “I presume you weren’t too happy with what Major Carter had to say.”

“I _did_ say I kicked her out,” Jack sniped. “She came to say she ‘trusts’ me. She thinks this is some kind of game.”

“And you don’t?”

What was _that_ supposed to mean? He was getting way too paranoid. With good reason. “I think that if our so-called ‘allies’ won’t help us then it’s up to us to help ourselves. You know that if you know as much about my retirement as you say you do.”

“I know more than you think,” Maybourne said, sitting down. “I take it Major Carter doesn’t agree with you, then?”

“She came out of some misguided loyalty. I guess she doesn’t believe I mean it or something.” He gave a humourless laugh. “Major Carter,” he held the half-empty bottle up in a mock toast, “thinks I’m something I’m not.”

“Which would be?”

Jack laughed again and sculled some beer. “A ‘good’ man.”

“Are you saying you’re not?” Maybourne questioned. _Yes, humour the bitter drunk, you rotten skunk._

“I’m saying that there’s time enough for ‘ethical’ methods when we know we’re going to survive to enjoy them.” Jeez, did anyone really buy into this crap?

Maybourne smiled. “I agree, Colonel. That’s why I’m here. I’m part of a group that wants to see the defence of this planet take priority over the feelings of those people who claim to be our allies.”

“Are you offering me a job?” Jack demanded incredulously.

“Just think about it, Jack,” Maybourne said. “What else are you going to do? Drink beer and beat yourself at chess all day? You won’t last a week. I’m offering you the chance to make a difference to the security of this planet. We need men like you, Jack.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like my teammates,” Jack accused. “ _Believing_ in me despite the obvious.”

“Major Carter said that?” Maybourne asked, an acquisitive gleam in his eyes. Jack shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “Do you think she was telling the truth?”

Jack _knew_ she was telling the truth. That was what scared him. “What, you wanna try recruiting her too?” he drawled.

“She would be an incredible asset to our—”

“You can’t even convince me,” Jack derided. “She wouldn’t do it. She’s like Daniel, too ethical. Honking great uncomfortable conscience. And she’s too smart to be tricked into anything. She’d see right through you.” Damn straight. Good old Carter.

“Pity. You couldn’t...?” Maybourne raised his eyes suggestively, making Jack snort into his beer.

“What, seduce her? Maybourne, you’ve been watching too many Bond movies. I haven’t even agreed to work for you yet, remember? And I wouldn’t count on that happening any time in the next hundred years.”

“Oh, you will,” he said confidently. “You couldn’t do anything else. You want to protect your country, just like I do.”

“Get out!” Jack ordered. “I am _nothing_ like you. Get out and leave me to retire in peace.”

Maybourne went, but he didn’t look at all disappointed. “I give you a week,” he repeated as he opened the door. “Page me.” Jack, who hadn’t bothered to get up, just waved dismissively over his shoulder and didn’t answer.

As a point of pride, he waited eight days before making the call.


	2. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As this is an AU, I’ve taken certain liberties with the episode: Teal’c wasn’t there when Jack chose to retire and Janet didn’t turn up at Jack’s farewell. This story starts before the previous one and finishes after it, with the events of the first story occurring somewhere in the middle (this is my muddled attempt to orientate you).

The Colonel didn’t say goodbye. That was what really got to her. He just handed in his resignation to General Hammond and left. Sam didn’t even hear about it until Dr Patel came sniffing around her lab trying to pick up some juicy details (he wouldn’t try that again in a hurry; Sam had learnt intimidation techniques from Teal’c and the Colonel, not to mention what she’d picked up from megalomaniac aliens). A quick check of the Colonel’s office (empty) and a query to General Hammond told her that for once the gossip mill wasn’t exaggerating. He was gone. Retired. And he hadn’t even said goodbye.

Hadn’t they earned that? Hadn’t his teammates earned _something_ from him, even if it was just a note on their door saying “I’m going. Maybe I’ll see you ‘round some time”. Okay, it wasn’t as if he was moving to the Sahara, they’d still be able to see him outside of the mountain... but he should have told them something. Anything.

Maybe he was right, maybe she had never really known who he truly was.

Three quarters of SG-1 (currently the entirety of SG-1) met in the commissary, completely subdued by the lack of their leader.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Daniel said miserably, staring into his coffee. “Just – gone.”

Fury surged up inside Sam for a moment and she sent several very nasty thoughts the Colonel’s way. Maybe he didn’t have to say goodbye to her, maybe they weren’t as close as she’d thought, but he should have said something to the other two. Daniel, who considered him his best friend, and Teal’c, who had given up his family to follow him across the galaxy. What was wrong with the man? First that stunt he’d pulled on Tollana – and she knew he got frustrated with their allies but she hadn’t seen that one coming at _all_ – and then setting out to be as hurtful as possible, not even bothering to tell them he was leaving...

“It’s not right,” she said, toying with her Jello and trying not to remember her arguments with the Colonel over which was the tastier colour. “He should have told us.”

“Yeah,” Daniel agreed and slumped closer to his coffee as if to hide it from the prying eyes around them. Everyone, it seemed, had heard about the Colonel’s sudden retirement, though right now Sam didn’t have the energy to care. No one was pestering them yet; Teal’c’s forbidding presence warded off anyone who attempted to approach the table.

“I don’t understand it,” Sam said suddenly. “The Colonel? Forced to retire or face a court martial? It’s not that I can’t see him getting himself into that much trouble,” Daniel smiled in wry agreement, “but I would have thought that with so much at stake – with the Goa’uld still out there – he would have known better. He... he _abandoned_ us for a moment of stupid pride!”

“I believe O’Neill felt he was attempting to help us in our efforts against the Goa’uld,” Teal’c pointed out.

“But, Teal’c, this is the _Colonel_. He’s never liked the Tollans’ methods, I admit, but he’s always respected their wishes.”

“In his own way,” Daniel inserted. “With loud protests.”

“And what about the Asgard? He was referring to them as well and he _likes_ the Asgard.”

“Thor, anyway,” Daniel said. She scowled at him. “Sorry, I’m not trying to dismiss what you’re saying, but you didn’t know Jack when I first met him. He was prepared to blow up his whole team just because of his orders.”

“O’Neill would never condone such an action,” Teal’c said firmly.

“No, he didn’t in the end, but—”

“Don’t you see, Daniel? The Colonel O’Neill we know would never do this.”

“So, what, then?” he demanded, sitting up. “We’ve got another crystal entity? Another Foothold situation? I don’t think so, Sam. All of this – it’s just too Jack.” He brooded a moment while Sam tried to summon her arguments for another round. “And yet it’s not Jack.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” she pointed out, confused by this about face.

“Yes, but this is the part I don’t understand – I mean, I can see Jack getting so frustrated he goes overboard and does something stupid in typical Jack fashion. I didn’t expect him to go _this_ far, but it’s not a total surprise. And then afterwards he naturally lashes out to keep us from seeing he’s embarrassed... But he’s not just lashing out. He’s deliberately setting out to be as hurtful as he can possibly be. Not to some poor sap who got in his way, but to us. He’s always protective of his team – _over_ protective if you ask me. The other stuff, okay, it’s not exactly normal Jack, but _this_ really isn’t Jack.”

“You are correct, DanielJackson,” Teal’c said. “This is not like O’Neill. Therefore there must be a reason for this change in behaviour.”

Sam and Daniel looked at him. “Like what?” Daniel asked.

“I am uncertain at this time. Clearly something has occurred that has caused O’Neill to alter his behaviour.”

Sam remembered the Colonel lashing out at her in the corridor. “Or has he finally had enough of playing a part? He told me he hadn’t been acting like himself since he met me. Maybe this is the real Colonel O’Neill.”

Daniel wrinkled his nose. “And what, the last three and three quarter years since I met him were a joke, a dream? I guess he’s capable of it, but why would he do that?”

“I do not believe that the warrior I have fought alongside was an illusion,” Teal’c said with reassuring confidence.

“Even after everything he’s done these last few days?” Daniel asked.

“The events of the past few days cannot outweigh those of the last few years. I do not believe that his recent actions are a course O’Neill condones.”

Sam and Daniel frowned at each other, wanting to hope but not quite willing to risk it. “So you still trust him?” Daniel asked sceptically.

“Did he not give me his trust when I first came to this planet? Did he not forgive me for concealing the existence of my family from him and continue to trust me? And did he not trust you, DanielJackson, enough to take your word that Apophis would attack this world?”

Sam nodded. “He trusted me enough to look for the Tok’ra based on a _dream_. Teal’c’s right, Daniel. After all the faith he’s put in us, I think it’s time we returned the favour. We nearly lost him on Edora. I’m not prepared to lose him again.”

Daniel hesitated still, but then his hesitation crystallised into determination. “You’re right, both of you. After all we’ve been through together we can trust him. There’s more to this than what we can see on the surface, but I guess we’ll just have to wait until he’s ready to tell us.”

“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed.

Daniel scowled. “He just better have a really good explanation for all this.”

Sam managed a smile. Teal’c raised an eyebrow. “O’Neill has not let us down before, DanielJackson.”

Daniel didn’t deign to answer this, instead finishing off his coffee with a gulp and going to get another cup. Sam, appetite starting to return, began to dig into her Jello.

When Daniel returned, Teal’c said, “I believe one of us should visit O’Neill and inform him of our decision. Perhaps you, DanielJackson—”

“In this mood?” Daniel winced. “I’d rather take on Apophis again.”

“Coward,” Sam teased.

“You go, then.”

It was her turn to wince. “No, Daniel, it’s definitely your turn.”

“Well, I think it should be Teal’c,” he said, and they both turned to the Jaffa.

“I have no more wish to confront O’Neill in such a mood than you, DanielJackson.”

“Looks like I’m not the only coward around here,” Daniel muttered. Sam jabbed him in the side in retaliation. “Well, _you_ go, then, if you’re so brave.”

For a moment she considered it, just to show him. But only for a moment. “I retract my objection.”

“There, you see.”

“Perhaps a more effective method would be to allow chance to decide our representative,” Teal’c said, giving them a look that said ‘I am so much more mature than both of you’. Sam had the urge to stick her tongue out at him but fought it back.

“You mean flip a coin?” Daniel asked.

“Is there not a ritual involving... hay?”

Sam could never quite tell when Teal’c was making a joke. “Draw straws?”

“That is the term.”

“That could work,” Daniel said with sudden enthusiasm. Even after two and a half years he still enjoyed showing Teal’c new snippets of Earth culture. He jumped out of his seat and hurried off for an excited conversation with one of the cooks which resulted in his triumphant return with a skewer in hand. “We’re all agreed, right? Whoever loses has to go and see Jack. No arguments. Okay?”

“Okay,” Sam agreed, while Teal’c inclined his head.

“Right, now we just need to break this into two equal lengths and one unequal.” Teal’c appropriated the skewer and followed these instructions with such ease that Sam was pretty sure he’d been pulling their legs about the hay thing. “That’s it. Now hold them so we can’t tell which one is different... Whoever draws that one has to go and see Jack.”

Teal’c held them out to Daniel as directed. ‘Would you like first choice, DanielJackson?”

“Er, okay, I’ll just...” He hesitated, frowning intently at the snapped ends of the skewer pieces as if he could figure out the one he wanted by close analysis. Teal’c watched on solemnly, as if this was as important a rite as a wedding or a court martial, and Sam couldn’t help herself. She started laughing.

And continued laughing until her teammates were looking at her, bewildered, and the other diners were staring and whispering.

She quickly found that looking at Teal’c and Daniel’s perplexed faces only set her off again, and managed to calm herself by staring fixedly at the salt shaker.

“Sam?” Daniel asked tentatively when it appeared she’d subsided. “Are you – are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she assured him, carefully not looking at him. “I think the last few months are starting to catch up with me.”

“Oookay.”

“You do realise that we’re treating the result of drawing straws—”

“Skewers,” Teal’c corrected helpfully.

“—as if it was an order from the President. And a visit to a friend like a suicide mission. You don’t think that’s, well, laughable?” She risked a look up. Teal’c looked amused, in a Teal’c sort of way, and Daniel was starting to smile ruefully.

“I see your point,” the latter said.

“Indeed.”

“It all just became a bit much,” she explained sheepishly. “But I’m okay now, so, please, go ahead.”

Still solemn, but now aware of the ridiculousness of the situation, they returned to the important matter of drawing straws. 

Or attempting to draw straws.

“Daniel, just pick one!” Sam finally said in exasperation.

“Okay, okay. Um...” He pulled out the middle skewer, squinted at it, double checked it, and sagged with relief.

Sam winced. She and Teal’c eyed one another guardedly, knowing that now they each had a fifty-fifty chance of being landed with The Visit. They had suddenly become enemies.

“It is your choice, MajorCarter.”

“I know.” She bit her lip. “I know.” Great, now she was doing a Daniel. She tugged the left straw out of Teal’c’s fingers and closed her eyes, not wanting to see what she’d got. Teal’c didn’t say anything, but his teammates were used to that and he didn’t need to. Damn, it was her. She just knew it.

Sam opened her eyes reluctantly and glumly looked at the piece of skewer in her hand. Great, she got to be the one to beard the lion in his den. Just great. She tried to smile at the others. “Best out of three?”

Daniel and Teal’c, smugly secure, didn’t even bother to answer.

* * *

Sam knew that if she said “Sir, with no due respect, what the hell is going on?” he’d just laugh at her. Unfortunately, the Colonel wasn’t very fond of responding to subtlety either. Dammit, why couldn’t Daniel have gotten the short straw? _He_ was the one who liked to talk about things. Sam was much more at home in a lab or behind a MP-5 than dealing with all this interpersonal stuff.

She acquired a six-pack on the grounds that a bribe might at least get her in the front door, gritted her teeth, and bit the bullet. Daniel and Teal’c _owed_ her for this.

After her less-than-successful interview (the Colonel could make clams look like inveterate gossips), she met up with her remaining teammates at O’Malley’s for a drink or three to steady her nerves. Neither Daniel nor Teal’c was surprised at her lack of success in figuring out what was really happening and they took the news philosophically. 

“Whatever’s going on,” she concluded, “he’s not telling.”

“Then we must have faith that O’Neill will come to us in his own time,” Teal’c said.

“At least he knows we’re here for him if he needs us,” Daniel said.

“I need another drink,” said Sam.

It was a complete shock when the Colonel decided to retire offworld – on Edora, no less! The remains of SG-1 treated the news with mistrustful confusion. Of all the planets he could possibly go to, he chose a _farming_ community? If he thought retiring on Earth was boring, what would he think of Edora? What was he going to do, fish for the rest of his life? Far away from hockey, pizza, and _The Simpsons_? Did no one else think this was bizarre?

But apparently no one did. The gossip mill loved the new information, but didn’t seem to find it at all strange. His teammates, however, were less accepting.

Sam found it interesting that he’d chosen to retire in a place with easy access to a Stargate. Teal’c and Daniel agreed, but their tacit agreement was to not mention the Colonel any more, especially not where they could be overheard. The whole situation was too weird, too wrong. They were uneasy.

All three went to see him off through the Stargate, but he barely even looked at them. To protect his bruised pride? No. Something was going on. “We must have faith,” Teal’c had said. Somehow, sometime, this would all make sense.

Janet didn’t come to the farewell. A few hours later, when Sam was looking over her particle accelerator and considering just how much work she’d done to bring the Colonel home from the planet he had just returned to, the doctor stormed into the lab, radiating fury.

Sam looked up at her entrance and winced. No one liked facing Janet when she was angry. On the other hand, it didn’t look like Sam was the one who’d made her mad. Curious to know what had her friend in such a state but not wanting to unleash any temper on herself, she tried a neutral topic. “You didn’t come to see Colonel O’Neill off.”

“He didn’t say goodbye to Cassie!” Janet exploded. “He _knows_ how much she looks up to him and he didn’t even say goodbye! That arrogant, self-absorbed—” She choked on her anger. “I thought better of him than that!”

On the face of it, it was just another of his stupid, hurtful acts and Sam didn’t bother to contradict any of the doctor’s vitriol. None of SG-1 tried to explain anything to Janet because they didn’t know how. They didn’t have anything but faith.

But in Daniel’s apartment at the end of the day, they were relieved by this lack of farewell. Teal’c was the one to say it, but they all knew it to be true: “If O’Neill did not farewell CassandraFraiser, then clearly he intends to return.”

He would come back, somehow, and then he would tell them why he had been acting like this. They just had to have faith.


	3. Loyalty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Some brief paraphrasing of the original episode occurs here: anything that looks familiar is written by someone who isn’t me.

It was over. Jack stood in the gateroom, watching his betrayed NID ‘comrades’ being ushered away by the SFs and felt a surge of relief. No more lies, no more deceptions. His satisfaction at a job well done was overshadowed by apprehension as he turned to his stunned teammates. Now he just had to hope they would forgive him for the rotten things he’d said and done while he played his part. Frankly, he was pretty sure that going undercover and finding the thieves was going to prove to be the _easy_ part of this assignment.

“Well done, Colonel,” Hammond said.

“Oh, it was nothing, sir,” he said flippantly. And if it didn’t cost him his team he might even be able to look back on the job with some kind of pride.

“So...” Daniel interjected. “Just to make sure I’ve got this right: This whole thing, starting with the appeal on Tollana – for which I did a _lot_ of work, by the way – was—”

“Completely staged,” Hammond said. “Technology was being stolen from both the Tollan and the Asgard by what appeared to be SGC personnel. Several of our allies were intending to sever all ties with us. In the interest of diplomatic relations, Colonel O’Neill was ordered to infiltrate this rogue group and prove that the SGC was not in fact stealing from anyone.”

“Right,” Daniel said slowly.

Jack spread his arms expansively. “But now I’m back,” he said grandly. He would not beg; that wasn’t his way. He’d pretend nothing was wrong even if everything was.

“Our faith in you was justified, O’Neill,” Teal’c said solemnly. Startled, Jack read the truth of it in the man’s eyes and looked disbelievingly to Daniel and Carter. They agreed. It couldn’t be that simple, surely? But they were all three of them looking back at him complacently – and there was no forgiveness in them because they didn’t see any need for it. They accepted him back; they had never given up on him.

His duty hadn’t cost him his team!

Hammond had interpreted Teal’c’s words differently, though, and skewered Jack with a look. “You _told_ them—”

Jack stiffened. “I followed every single one of your orders, General. Even when I disagreed with them.”

“Colonel O’Neill didn’t tell us anything, sir,” Carter intervened.

“No, nothing at all,” Daniel emphasised, scowling at Jack. Okay, so maybe there were still a few issues left to be worked out. Jack could handle that.

Hammond relaxed. “Good.”

“ _Good_?” Daniel repeated with disgust.

“Colonel O’Neill, despite his – rather vehement – protests,” Hammond began severely (Jack tried not to look abashed, but it was worth it to get approving looks from Carter and Daniel), “was under strict orders. We wanted to ensure that your reactions to the Colonel’s behaviour were as they should be. And the Asgard insisted that Colonel O’Neill be the only one involved.” 

“To ensure that our reactions were everything they should be?” Daniel repeated in disbelief. Jack almost asked if he’d been training to be an echo.

“With all due respect, sir,” Carter said, “had we been better informed we might have been able to react more appropriately.” Hammond looked startled by this unprecedented rebuke and she flushed but persevered. “We didn’t believe it, sir. We didn’t believe Colonel O’Neill was himself.” She looked at Jack. “No wonder you kept trying to get rid of me, sir. I assume your house was bugged.”

He rolled his eyes with mock exasperation. “You really can’t take a hint, can you, Carter?” At Hammond’s enquiring glance, he elaborated, “She visited my house with some message about them trusting me and told me she would follow me where ever I was going. She was completely ruining my image; I was just about ready to physically throw her out the door.”

“I seriously thought you were going to,” she muttered. Catching his look, she added, “Sir.”

Ignoring the byplay, Hammond sighed. “Very well, Colonel, you were right.”

“About what, exactly?” Daniel queried.

“Colonel O’Neill was very insistent that he be allowed to inform his team about the true nature of his assignment.” Jack grimaced, hoping Hammond wasn’t going to embarrass him further; he didn’t want his team thinking he was a complete sap. “Our allies, however, preferred that he and I alone know about this mission to ensure that no mole could learn of it, and so I overruled him.”

And Jack had obeyed. Duty first, always. (Although he had to admit that his and the Air Force’s ideas of duty didn’t always overlap.)

“So you thought one of us might be the mole?” Carter asked.

“Absolutely not,” Jack said immediately.

“SG-1 was at no point suspected of anything,” Hammond said firmly. “It was simply thought more prudent to keep as few people as possible aware of what was going on.”

“So you _do_ trust us,” Daniel prodded.

“Of course I trust you, Daniel!” He’d always known that Daniel was going to have the most difficulty coming to terms with this. Teal’c and Carter understood the constraint of being under orders.

“Well, you can see where we might wonder.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

Travell appeared in the gateroom, looking like she was satisfied with Jack’s results. “Thank you, Colonel O’Neill,” she said, smiling austerely. “The Tollan appreciate your assistance in this matter.”

“Sure. No problem. Any time you got an infestation, we’re your guys.”

Before Jack could cause a diplomatic incident, Hammond interrupted smoothly, “Colonel, go and have Doctor Fraiser check you out. We’ll debrief tomorrow, oh-nine-hundred.”

“Yes, sir.”

“This way, your Eminence.” Hammond guided Travell out of the gateroom and left Jack’s team to escort him to the Infirmary.

“Um, sir, maybe we should go in before you,” Carter said as they left the gateroom in a pack. “Janet’s not too happy with you right now.”

“What? Why?” If his team, with way more reason to complain, didn’t hold it against him then why should Fraiser?

“You did not say goodbye to CassandraFraiser,” Teal’c informed him.

“Oh. Oh!” He hadn’t even thought of doing that, since he was planning on coming home again. He grimaced. Fraiser was _not_ going to be a happy camper.

“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed.

“But you guys aren’t upset. Right?”

“We are not, O’Neill.”

He looked at each of them in turn, still not quite able to believe it was this easy. “So how did you know it wasn’t, you know, real?”

“We knew nothing, O’Neill.”

“Then why...?”

Teal’c gave him a ‘you poor, foolish human’ look. ‘You are our friend. We have faith in you.”

What could he possibly say to that? Jack didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such loyalty, but he was glad of it. More glad of it than he would ever be able to find the words to say. So he just grinned and shrugged.

Carter and Daniel went on ahead and managed to mollify Fraiser so well that after extracting from him a promise that Jack would visit Cassie very soon, she was only slightly more nasty than normal with her needles. His team waited around while he had his checkup, and he described some of what he’d seen and done while he’d been gone. They’d believed in him when he was giving them every reason not to. That was something special.

Released from the Infirmary with a clean bill of health, he headed for the surface, his team in tow. “So, who’s up for dinner? We could hit O’Malleys. Or how about a barbeque? Everyone at my place. We can invite Cassie and Fraiser, save my butt from Doc’s needles.” Daniel rolled his eyes while Carter ducked her head to hide a smile. He could have lost this; he was so glad he hadn’t. “My place it is. So, what’s been happening around here?” he added as they crowded into the elevator and he hit the top button.

Daniel’s eyes lit up. “SG-5 brought back evidence of a Mesopotamian culture that pre-dates everything we—”

Jack tuned out Daniel’s words, content just to listen to his voice as they rode up toward the surface. It was good to be back. “Hey, Daniel,” he interrupted suddenly, “why weren’t you the one to come visit?”

“I, er—”

“See?” Carter said triumphantly. “We said it should have been you!”

“Carter?” he prodded before Daniel could make the retort bubbling on his lips.

She blushed. “We... drew straws, sir.”

“Skewers,” Teal’c corrected calmly; Jack chose not to ask.

“You drew straws.”

“I lost,” she agreed, eyeing him warily.

The elevator came to a stop as he lost his ability to hide his grin. Relieved, his teammates spilled out of the elevator and headed for outside. Jack followed them through the corridors and took a breath of good old Colorado air. “Hey, Carter.”

“Sir?” She fell back to walk beside him.

Jack smiled at Teal’c and Daniel ahead, who were heatedly discussing the differences between skewers and straws. “Look, about Edora.”

“Yes, sir?”

He stopped and she stopped too, looking at him questioningly. “I just wanted to say, well... Thanks for bringing me home, Carter.”

Her face lit up. “You’re welcome, sir.”

They hurried after the other two and Jack smiled to himself as Carter embroiled herself in the straws versus skewers debate. It was definitely good to be back.

_ Fin _


End file.
